The Accidental Housewife

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Miss Ogyny 2006: Kate O'Bierne!

Image: Women Who Make the World Worse : and How Their Radical Feminist Assault Is Ruining Our Schools, Families, Military, and Sports: Kate O'Beirne

I trust that (dare I say it) "Ms." O'Bierne is considered a major political brainaic in the beltway--but must she go below the belt to prove her latest point????

The only person worse than a woman-hater is a woman who hates women more!! Regardless of your political bent, we are all part of the Sisterhood. O-BURN relies on a common cliche'd practice of proving her point by attacking the personal.
News to you and your little dog Ann Coulter: No man would attack another man's gender to prove a political or sociological point.

Read this book, if anything to learn from any mistakes made by the feminist movement (and sure there are plenty.) Then burn it (and your bra) for being in really poor taste.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

ME (exhausted, frazzled, nearing indifference):“Jenna, if you keep rocking in that chair I am going to put you in time out.”

JENNA (euphemism for boisterous ultra-verbally developed two-year old): NO…YOU…WON’T!

ME: (calmly strapping kicking toddler into booster seat, using both hands to counter the toddler hip thrusts) I …..JUST…..DID!

The OTHER Woman

If you have landed here, there is a remote chance that you are looking for her. If so, you need to know something: She may be THE Accidental Housewife, but she’s not the first. I first conceived that concept, my friends, way back in July 2004. Before she’d put trademark to paper, before we knew that housewives were even desperate, I was the first to say to knock off David Byrne and ask (over a pile of never-ending laundry):

WORLD, HOW DID I GET HERE??????

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation that kept me from angling my way to a book deal over my idea of being an ACCIDENTAL HOUSEWIFE. Maybe it was the fact that I was dealing with two kids, under the age of three, and a house I didn’t know I wanted, and a dog, and a cat, and a husband, and a career that all but went down the toilet the second I said “It’s a girl!”

Yes, I admit I turned down her husband’s offer to buy my URL (at least I think it was her husband). And yes, I failed to blog on my own site for more than two years. But what can I say: There are doers like her. Then there are dreamers, like me, who just knew it was a good idea.

So now here we are: she’s connected, resourceful, thin, beautiful, TV savvy, and clearly encompassing the cheerleader gene. Hell, I am just lucky if I can get into my jeans. One cannot help but wonder why is life so cruel?

But enough of the sour grapes. In fact, I applaud my alter ego, the over achieving housewife. I encourage her. I embrace her. Because she who acts first, becomes a media mogul. She, who has the idea first and doesn’t have the amphetamines or endorphins to make something of it, just gets to continue her career as the anonymous smart-ass at the back of the class.

Go ahead, join her club, watch her on The View, and let her give you permission to give gift cards instead of individually hand sewn table napkins inspired by Martha Stewart (What the F??? Doesn’t MS know that there are children in Guatemala that can do that for her? Everyone else at Kmart did!!)

But remember, she is a woman who understands the value of appealing to the masses. Me, I just want to commiserate because I know that there are at least four or five trillion women AND MEN, who—after years of a career and a college degree or two—cannot FUCKING BELIEVE that it all comes down to LAUNDRY, and who can get a better nights’ sleep.

Read, laugh, even bitch if you like. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and you don’t need pink gloves with polka dot cuffs to convince you any more. Housework sucks!